Transcript: Episode 85
85. Weather Trauma
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[Short piano piece is played, lasting about 20 seconds]
[Wind blowing and people talking]
So -- you can hold my hand -- we are out walking around the lake, at the park…the only park that is not flooded, because we have had five days of tornadoes, and it’s not over yet. But for a brief couple of hours, the sun isn’t out, but the rain has stopped. And so we are running really quickly, while it’s safe to get some energy out, with some little children who have been cooped up in tornado protection position.
[Children talking]
And it’s been crazy. We’re all cooped up too much. We are all over-stimulated.
[Child yelling]
Oh, look! It went over the rocks there. It’s flooded into the pond.
So, this is where we are. We are having weather trauma, and we are dealing with it as a family.
[Children yelling and talking]
[Laughs]
It started on Friday, when I was in a tornado, in Missouri.
Child: Really scary.
And we saw cars lifted up. We saw dumpsters fly through the air.
Child: And hit a car.
One of them hit Donna’s car.
[Children yelling]
Did you not know it was Donna’s car?
Several children: No.
Yeah.
Child: So, she had to get a new car?
Donna -- no, she didn’t have to get a new car.
Child: How did she get home?
[Wind blowing]
So, it started with that on Friday. And then on Saturday [child yelling] -- shh. Julie and Donna and I [child yelling] -- oh my goodness. On Saturday, Julie and Donna and I just had to kind of watch the weather and hang out and rest and stay out of it and watch them clean up from the storm. We saw trees completely uprooted. We saw trees broken. It was pretty intense, but at least we still had the condo we were staying in, and we were safe. But it was scary.
Sunday morning, Donna took Julie to the airport, and [children talking] -- she did have a car. It just had a dent in it.
Child: Oh.
So on Sunday, Julie took -- Donna took Julie to the airport, and they both went home. We were supposed to go to Oklahoma, but the storms were so bad, we couldn’t even get there. So we came home early, did not go to therapy, or cancel appointments or anything, just came straight home, trying to beat the storms.
And so Monday afternoon we picked up the children early from school so that we could all be safe together at home. We made our tornado preparations with our bags and locking up our wallets and keys in a water bag - and usually used for when we go kayaking. [Laughs] But our emergency supplies, our 72 hour kits, extra clothes in bags, and had it all tied together, because that’s what you do in Kansas and Oklahoma. Had our tennis shoes on, bike helmets, taking cover in the basement, and that’s how we spent Monday night, all the way into Tuesday.
And by Wednesday, we had to move to the stairs, because our basement was flooding. We have a sump pump. It is working, but that’s how much rain it is, it just can’t keep up. And so our house is flooding, but lots of other houses are all the way under water. Under water, like water over the roofs… like entire towns…like dams have broken and levee’s have given way. And it’s been super intense and all kinds of weather trauma.
So, we are using our other trauma skills to get through this together as a family and doing our best. And Wednesday there were more tornadoes. Thursday there were more tornadoes. Friday there were more tornadoes. And now it’s Saturday morning.
Child: So, we kinda just got to rest and watch Wipe Out. So…
Oh yeah! [Laughs]
So, last night everyone’s exhausted. Our basement where we usually take -- our basement where we usually take shelter is flooded, and so we even had to take shelter under the stairs, because there’s nowhere for us to be that is safe and comfortable. Getting down on your knees and covering your neck to make sure that you’re safe in a tornado is hard enough already. But there’s eight of us, which is a lot of people to hunker down together, and we have six kids with special needs. So, it’s hard for them, all in different ways.
So, getting in tornado position is never easy or comfortable anyway, but we have equipment, like oxygen, and G-tubes, and heart monitors, and things like that that we have to make sure are working, even without electricity and have to stay charged, and have battery backup and extra oxygen tanks, which is [children talking] -- and so -- right. So, we’re not just worrying about flashlights or things like that.
We have lots we have to do. We have kids who cannot move quickly. We have two with wheelchairs. One with cerebral palsy, so that it’s really hard for him to get in a tornado position. But they have all been troopers. But we are exhausted. We are tired. Sirens are going off. Lightning and thunder all the time. We’re not always getting to sleep in our beds. We’re not always getting to sleep at all. And it’s exhausting.
Child: We have to stay up until like 9:41 last night.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s what I was saying. We’re all so tired and we’re all so over-stimulated. So, last night the storm was coming in right at bedtime. So, there was no point in going to bed. [Laughs]
Hello, train.
Just wave. Hi, train.
Child: Hola.
Child: Hello.
Child: Hello!
Saying “hi” to the train.
Child: Hola.
Child: Hola.
So, there was no point in sending them to bed, just to have to get them out of bed, when we knew the sirens were coming. And so to calm everybody down, and to just chill out, because we’re all so tense, and so really tornado PTSD -- we are all so just vibrating with the tension of the storms and everything. So, to chill everybody out -- so to chill everybody out and help distract us, we gathered the kids up in the living room, and turned on Wipe Out, which we never had shown them before. And so we found it on Hulu, and just turned it on, and everybody was laughing, and relaxed, and that helped for a while.
But then the sirens went off again, and back we were to the basement with helmets and shoes on.
Child: And everybody was really scared. It was horrible.
But you guys sang. That was pretty sweet.
Child: And then the tornadoes left.
Hi.
Child: Oh, look at that. It’s a fluffy doggy.
Leave the puppy alone. Keep walking. [Laughs]
Say “hi”. Keep walking.
Child: Bye fluffy doggy.
Keep walking. Good job. No, that shows him you’re safe. Keep walking. You’ve all stopped. Good job!
So, we’ve had a long night. We’re tired. We had some breakfast, and we’ve come out to the park to walk, to get some energy out, to flush out some cortisol, and then we’re going to play in a little bit, after we walk around the lake.
Child: Yeah, and about last night. Everybody was so uncomfortable, but like everyone was [inaudible crosstalk]. Then ten minutes later, mom told me to come out and get blankets and pillows.
So right now everything is super green from the rain, and it’s gorgeous. The air is cool and crisp from the storms. It feels like everything has been cleaned, except for limbs are down and trees are down, and the lake is flooded over the banks and over the rocks around it. So everything is either washed out or muddy or soaking wet, but the birds are happy again. The ducks are happy again. The geese are happy again, and we are very glad to be outside, and we won’t be able to walk around the lake.
[Children talking and yelling]
Look at the baby geese! They’re so fuzzy!
[Wind blowing]
[Child talking]
So, that’s part of what we’re going to talk about. Hold that, because that’s exactly what we want to talk about.
So we come here to the park to walk, to calm down, to feel better, but we also want to talk a little bit, because this is a legitimate kind of trauma. And weather, natural disaster trauma, is actually a thing, and it will be better for all of us if we kind of process what we’ve been through this week, what our thoughts are, what our feelings are, what our experiences have been, instead of it just being stuck in us. We want to flush that out, like actively now.
So we’re going to do that while we can. So let’s talk about what it’s been like with the whole week of tornadoes, because we’ve passed the day since I last had a tornado, I mean since I was last in a tornado this week. It’s now been a whole week. So, let’s talk about what it’s been like. Who wants to tell part of their story? Okay, hold on. Don’t touch it. Stay off the table, and just talk to the phone.
Child: So, one day -- well, it was last night though, and we were watching Wipe Out -- mom and papa wanted to introduce us to that new show. It’s -- we watched Wipe Out, and mom and papa -- my mom and papa introduced it to our family, and it’s a really funny video though. And it was a -- it’s like a ninja warrior course, but it’s different than that, but it’s funnier. And Mom and Papa did that to keep us distracted, and -- from the storm -- and we finally finished around like 9:20 or so, and then we -- I went to sleep and then mom and -- and then mom got a prompting that I should sleep on the couch for the night, because our next door neighbor had a tree and it was blowing right towards our house. So, she wanted me to be safe, because I’m still healing from my surgery, and I need to keep many injuries -- not -- don’t have any injuries.
Good, good. Thank you. Did that help to watch some funny things so that you weren’t as scared?
Child: Yup. But during the tornado, when we were down in the stairs, I was actually kind of frightened though. But…
That’s okay. That’s okay. We’re scared of tornadoes, because we don’t know what they’re going to do, we don’t know what’s going to happen, and we can’t stop it. Some of those are scary feelings, right? Put your hand in your lap. So those are scary feelings, right?
Anything about your experience about tornadoes this week?
Child: So on Monday, Papa came and picked us up early, and he told us in the car that we -- that mama had a tornado in Branson and hail was falling down, and just lots of trouble happening. And mama came home early, around 6 or 5 o’clock, and --
Like three o’clock.
Child: Three o’clock and then we got ready and started packing for tornadoes. My sister… if she wasn’t able to breathe, then how would she survive the storm? And so, we had to make sure she was okay. And then we went back to bed, and woke up in the morning, and got to go to this ninja warrior fun park, and walk around the lake for a bit. And we had to leave early, because of the tornado again. And we had to do the same thing…look ahead and make sure we were safe, but we had our helmets on. So, we didn’t have to [inaudible] under our head. And it was annoying, and my back hurted, and it was just so much drama. And my brother, he had trouble, because he has cerebral palsy, and it just hurts to not -- to have cerebral palsy and also to get up at the same time. And so we had to make sure he was fine. And then meanwhile, we have -- I have two oxygen brothers who need help. So, I had to get down and make sure they were safe. So then, we went to bed. Well, and then the next day we went to watch -- papa introduced us to Total Wipe Out, which is like Ninja Warrior, but like it’s funny. There’s mud and water. So, they had to do lots of courses and make everything funny. And they have to do pranks. That’s another thing. They had to figure out how to get past all the things, but no one got past those bouncy red balls.
[Laughs]
Child: Everybody kept banging into them and flipping backwards and doing all those cool stuff. But Judo, the girl, she survived and got to the last course of the Total Wipe Out. She won. That was just an amazing show.
Thank you. Okay, you two walk around, and then I’ll call you back for the next part. Come over here.
[Child talking inaudibly]
No, no rocks at all. They’re not safe. There’s so much water under them. There’s so much water under them that if you stand on them, they can fall out underneath you. They’re not safe right now. No, they’re not safe right now. Have a seat, buddy.
You’re next! Okay, what do you want to share about your experience of tornado week?
Child: My experience of tornado week --
Talk like this.
Child: It was a little scary when -- it was a little surprising when field day -- we were playing at school and we didn't have to do any homework -- we were playing and then it’s just weird when papa came and picked us up early. He just picked us up early, like close to leaving school, like almost right after lunch, like snack time. It was a little weird. Like Why did he pick us up at this time? And so I asked him, and then he says, “There might be a chance of tornadoes, so I’m getting you home before that happens.” So, we came home and then mom came home at 3:00. And then she told us to get ready, pack clothes, do stuff like that. And we did that. And then we -- and then we -- and then we played. And then we did as we usually do. It was a normal night, because the tornado passed. So, we went to bed at the usual time. And the next day, we went to the park. After the lake, a tornado came. So, we had to go home quickly. And then we had to put on our helmets and go into the basement. And then we just slept in my room at night. And then it flooded in the middle of the night… at 1. So we had to move all of this stuff to the den. And then there was no tornado, thank goodness. So then we didn’t have to sleep on the stairs… which would be painful. So, it was -- we went to sleep after 1. And then the next day we were tired, so we took a nap. And then everything was fine again. But then, the next day, mom said let’s just chill and watch some Ninja Warrior. So we watched Ninja Warrior, and then it was fine outside. So mom said, “Let’s go play outside.” And then she didn’t blow a whistle, but --
That time I did.
Child: Yeah. She blew the whistle. We came inside, and we’re like -- and she’s like, “Go downstairs quickly. And then we do and we get into our positions. And she’s like, “Go get helmets. There’s a real tornado coming our way.” So we did. And then we were there for a long time, and everybody was getting uncomfortable. So we sang a song.
[Children singing For the Beauty of the Earth]
Child: And then the sirens stopped. So, we waited a few minutes to see if it would come back on. It didn’t. So, we went back to the living room. We watched some more of the TV show of Wipe Out, and it’s really funny. The sirens went off again. So, everybody got scared again, and we went down to the basement under the stairs, because my room is still flooded -- really sad, but it doesn’t really matter, because it’s not really bad. So, it’s really bad. So, then after that, everything was over. We sang a few songs. The sirens passed. We waited like always, and then it stopped again.
So, I know -- well, first of all we’re from Oklahoma --
Child: Yeah, that too.
Where there are lots of tornadoes anyway. But in the past we’ve had tornado shelters, and in this house, we just have the basement, which flooded.
Child: Yeah.
I know that from schools, you know about tornado position, how to crouch down and cover your head, and at home we also use helmets. But was there anything else you learned through this week that you didn’t know before?
Child: I learned that there’s somewhere flooded or somewhere is not safe and it doesn’t fit everyone and it’s not in a very small room, then you -- then you need to go somewhere where it’s not flooded and it’s safe, fast and quickly. At school, we did not learn that. We had to stay in a big area with windows. Which most likely a tornado could break and so it would hurt us. So, I learned that you need to stay away from windows, in a room with no windows, and a room with cement walls, and a room that does not have stuff that breaks through.
Anything else that you learned?
Child: I learned that we should not go in a room with no windows, and that if just because it’s comfortable doesn’t mean it’s the right room. What if it’s the wrong room and it’s comfortable?
So, even though being on your knees on the hard floor is uncomfortable, it’s safer than being in the living room, on the couch, next to the windows?
Child: Yeah.
What about you? What’s one thing you learned?
Child: I learned that tornadoes -- wait. No. I learned that if there’s like a flood like in my brother’s room…instead of going all the way down in there to get soaked up, we should just go up onto the stairs, which is kind of almost into the hallway in our house. Well, it’s the lowest part of the house, but if you’re on the stairs, it’s a high risk, because tornadoes can still get down and get us. But my mom said once that she would put a mattress on us, and jump and put her weight on us just to keep us safe.
So, that’s kind of crazy. Right? Do I usually just throw mattresses on you and jump?
Numerous children: No.
[Laughs] But we have to keep you safe. Right?
Child: You’re only joking.
But if there was a storm, for real. Right?
Child: Yeah.
So, what were some of the feelings that we had during tornado week?
Child: Scared.
Scared?
Child: Hurt.
Hurt?
Child: Everybody was actually screaming, crying. Nobody -- well, nobody’s happy in a tornado situation. Some people are mad, because they got squished. Some people are crying and squirming, but that doesn’t really help. I bet the last thing you’ll think of about you being hurt -- I think if there was a real tornado, that would be the last -- you being hurt on your knees, just sitting on your knees and being uncomfortable would be the last thing you think about when the tornado’s over. You’ll be like --
Right.
Child: Am I okay? Am I dead? Am I alive? Am I alright? Am I injured?
So, lots of worries, because we don’t know what’s going to happen?
Child: Yeah.
That’s a lot to think about, and a lot to feel. Isn’t it?
Child: Right.
One of the things that helped the most was when you started singing. That was pretty special. What’s something that helped you?
Child: Um…so, we were watching Wipe Out, which was total -- earlier, and 10 minutes later, I was sleeping. Well, I was not quite sleeping yet, because I just went to bed though. And papa said, “We need you to get a blanket and pillow, and come out and sleep on the couch.” And I’m like, “Why?” And mom was -- and my mom was like, because our neighbor’s tree was blowing our direction, and she was afraid it would come and hit my window and get into my room. And then I went to sleep like always. And then I was going to go check the time, because I usually have an alarm clock, which I don’t usually use the alarm on. Well, once I did because papa was out on his writer’s retreat. And I’m going to check the time, and I recognized it was three. And I was like, “I’m alive.” Because mom didn’t blow the whistle, and I was so glad. I was like --
We knew that part of the storm would be over by two in the morning. So when you saw it was three in the morning, you knew everything was okay for a little while.
Child: Yeah. And I’m like, “I’m alive!”
[Laughs] So, that felt better. Didn’t it?
Child: Yup.
What’s one thing that helped you feel safer, or feel better with all your big feelings?
Child: Going back to my bed, and being in my room with my stuffies that could help comfort me. And my brother sang to us, and I just felt much better. And it made me feel like the Holy Ghost was comforting me. And it just felt better. And my sister was there with me. And so everything felt much better.
So sometimes, part of what helps us feel better is having some normal, like coming to the park, because we always come to the park. Or playing outside, because we play outside.
Child: Yup.
But also, when you run and play, that helps flush out some of the stress out of your body. Like when your brain knows there’s danger signals, then the chemicals and the hormones that tell your brain that’s a danger signal, one of the best ways to get that flushed out, is to go ahead and run and play and hide. Like your body is trying to run and play and hide, because it’s trying to keep you safe. Right? It wants you to run or freeze or fight. So, if you go do that now, on the playground, it’s a good and normal and healthy way to tell your brain everything is okay.
Child: Yeah.
And it feels good, because we love to run and play at the park anyway.
Child: Everybody does.
And there’s fresh air, instead of being holed up in the basement. There’s wind to give you [sigh] deep breaths and feel better.
Child: Yeah, because it’s like we’ve been in our house. So, that’s been our store and everything. We’ve been in our house a lot.
Especially after winter when there was so much snow.
Child: Yeah.
Right?
Child: Like, it was so bad.
And so now, there’s little glimpses of sunshine, which feels good. And it helps us remember, even if there’s more storms this afternoon, that it’s not always going to be stormy, and it’s not always bad, and that we’ll be okay.
Child: Right.
Yeah?
Children in unison: Yeah.
So, the best thing we can do right now, to feel better, is to run and play while we can.
Child: Yup.
Child: Yeah.
Yeah? Go for it.
Child: Yay!
Good job, guys!
Child: Mom, let’s play!
Child: Bye bye!
Say “bye”!
Child: Bye.
So, this is us processing the best that we can, with all that’s going on. We’ve not always had electricity. We’ve not always had water. We’ve not always had internet. But so far, our house is okay. We have lost some parts of trees. There are two trees that we have concerns are going to fall, because the ground is so wet and so flooded that it’s uprooting trees, and entire trees are falling over with their roots up. And so that’s something that we’re concerned about, but we tried to tie it down as best we can, and bracing it. Both families on both sides of the fence, working together to brace it so that if it does fall, it falls away from the houses, and not onto our house. So, hopefully that helps.
Our house has -- is -- has -- it’s an older house that has lots of layers. So, instead of being built across, it’s built up. And so there’s a basement and then another level that’s like half underground, and the ground level. And so the water is up through the basement, but not yet to the husband’s office, where also the laundry room is on that level. So, we are trying to care for ourselves.
It is a difficult thing. We are in the heartland of America, is what it’s called. And this is where so much of the food for America is grown - the crops are here, the cows are here, the farms are here. That’s just the part of the country we live in, and so it’s just been heartbreaking watching the farms be flooded out, and knowing not only are they devastated as a family -- like that’s their income, but also how much food has been lost.
People are in boats trying to rescue cows and horses. Shelters are open, not just for cats and dogs or other animals, but also these groups trying to rescue cows and horses. Like it really is just a rural area where we live.
[Train whistle]
And the towns where we live -- the towns where we moved from, when we lived in Oklahoma, before we moved to Kansas City -- all of that is completely underwater, like up to the roof tops. So, the house we lived in, where the therapist's office is, the parks that we always go to, the park where it has the adult-sized playground that we always post pictures of on Facebook…that is under water. I can’t even tell you the level of devastation in Oklahoma and Kansas right now, and Missouri as well - not just from the tornadoes, but the flooding that’s happened since then.
The roads and highways that we use to get to the husband’s parents and to the therapist, those roads are just gone. I don’t mean that they’re just covered in water for a couple of weeks. I mean the roads are gone. There are no roads there now. The asphalt has been taken off. It is -- there are sinkholes. I can’t even tell you the destruction and devastation for the people in this part of the country right now, and it’s not over.
It has been raining about 13 to 14 inches a day for an entire week, and we’ve had over 78 tornadoes, and hail damage, like golf ball sized hail. And it’s not over. We are expected to have three to four, maybe five more days of this. And this is the part of the country that is built for tornadoes. We know tornadoes. We know how to respond to tornadoes. We know what to do. Our buildings are built for tornadoes. The farmlands are built over the flood plans, so to avoid flooding. We have plans -- that’s how bad it is.
It isn’t just like tornadoes, and it’s hard and awful, because they’re hard and scary and people don’t know how to react to them. This is tornadoes where we know how to handle it, and it’s too much. We can’t. And it fascinates me, because it’s exactly how we feel in real life right now.
People with DID and other trauma issues know how to deal with trauma, because they’ve been prepared for it. They’ve been raised in it. I don’t mean that it’s good that they’re like that, but we know how to deal with it, because it’s always been a part of who we are, and always a part of our experience, and always a part of what we’ve had to do. And yet, there comes a point where it’s just too much. And I just can’t. And one thing after another of real life on top of trauma. So, cancer, and sick children, and children having surgeries, and financial problems because of their surgeries, and hospitalizations, and foster care, and adoption, and dead parents, and all the things that are hard enough for other people. For us, there’s nothing left. There’s no way left to deal with it.
And when they talk about flooding in a system, with memories coming, and body memories, and trying to communicate with others inside, and cooperate with each other as a team…that is what the last year has felt like, is this storm that won’t go away. And it’s all we can do to keep breathing.
And so talking about it with the children, so that they can process it in real time of yes, this night was awful. I can’t undo this night for you. I can’t take away the storms. I can’t make the tornadoes stop. I can’t push back the water. I cannot make it go away. I cannot rescue you, and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that you’re scared right now. I’m so sorry that you’re alone right now. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this, and there is nothing that I can do about it, but I can stay here with you. And I can be with you through the whole thing. And I can hold your hand, and I can squeeze you close to me, and I can keep you safe. And I can throw my body over you to make sure that you’re as safe as I can keep you. And I will listen to your stories. And I will smooth your hair while you cry. And I will rub your back while you scream in terror. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I cannot make this go away, but I can be here with you.
And I feel like that’s the same thing that’s happening inside, that we are having to learn how to do with others inside, the same as we’re having to do with the outside kids in the storm.
[Wind blowing]
And it’s hard. I’m so overwhelmed. I’m so overstimulated. I’m so exhausted. We missed a week of therapy, and then got to go to one, but then missed last week, because of the storms. We’ll miss this week, because of the flooding, and then we go to Africa.
[Wind blowing]
And so that will really be like six weeks, almost, without therapy. And what I worry about is it all shutting down, and it all closing. And these gates that we’ve worked so hard to open, of just the walls going back up. I can feel it happening slowly and the disengaging. Not because we want to quit, and not because we’re giving up, but because that’s how dissociation works, when you’re alone and the storm is too big, and there’s no one to help you.
The only thing to do is to hunker down and to take cover and to put up the walls and to hide and to wait for it to be over. Real life is hard. Therapy is hard. Trauma is hard. And some days, I don’t know how to keep going, except I see those faces inside, and I see those faces outside. And for them we can’t give up. We have to keep them safe. And now it’s time to go.
[Sirens]
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