Transcript: Episode 90
90. Bat Sleep Crazy
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[Short piano piece is played, lasting about 20 seconds]
So, when you listen to this, we will actually already be in Africa. But I’m recording it early so that you won’t be bored without me, because I know without anyone to be listening to on the podcast, you would be so lonely and missing me, because I’m the best one. No. [Laughs] I’m just kidding.
So, to keep the podcast going, we recorded episodes ahead of time, and they will be posting while we are gone. And then we will update you about Africa when we get back. So, I’m excited about that. The number one thing we have to do is get back to the workbook. I think we had some serious freaking out, some serious overstimulation, some serious not enough sleep, and a whole lot of triggers, and different things.
And Father’s Day is approaching. So this was us on Mother’s Day - we just skipped church, because that’s where we have to deal with it, and we just don’t. But -- we just can’t deal with it. And so that’s how we avoid it, because we are really good at avoidance. So, that’s how we handle it. But when Father’s Day comes, we got to leave the country, you guys. [Laughs] We’re not even going to stay in the country for all that celebrating. Just no. But we are not haters. We very much respect The Husband’s father. We, of course, love and adore The Husband himself. And then we also have lots of guy friends who we actually are really grateful that they are so kind to us or that they are so kind to us and friends. And we’re grateful for that.
The friend that we know, who has been on the podcast, is Dr. Barach. So a shout out to Dr. Barach for being rockstar awesome on the podcast. [Sigh] So, that has been our life. So that’s what’s going on. We’re actually in Africa right now when you’re listening to this, if you’re listening to it in real time, when it’s first released. And we will update on Africa at a later time, after we get home and everything is settled, and probably slept again. Because what we have learned, once again, is that everything falls apart if you don’t do your work. [Laughs]
If you are not taking care of yourself and not eating and not sleeping, and you’re living through tornadoes and with so much going on and big triggers going on, that’s a lot and we just can’t function. So in a way, it was a scary couple of weeks that were really hard, because too much was going on and what was happening was really, really hard and not okay. But at the same time, we learned a lot, because if life was this hard for us as an adult when we couldn’t get enough food and we couldn’t eat and we couldn’t sleep and there was so much trauma going on around us because of the weather… Can you imagine how hard it was on us actually as children?
Like, watching the outside children have to deal with the two weeks of storms that we had that were off the chart insane, even for Oklahoma and Kansas -- watching them have to go through this and be so tired and so out of coping skills and so just really traumatized by the storms -- like, we tried to help them as best we could, and processed with them, and tried to be attentive to them, and help them feel their feelings, and validate whatever they felt. You could be sad or scared or mad or crying or angry or screaming. Anything is okay. Just take a deep breath and know that you’re still here and not alone. We tried really hard to work with them, to work through it, to make sure that they were not getting consequences for acting out behavior that was really about being exhausted or traumatized.
We worked on that and they were amazing through all of that, but just seeing the wear on them that it had was fascinating, because this was just two weeks. And so to think back when we were children, all of us who were survivors, when we went through things as children, it was like that all the time. And not only was it like that all the time, but there was no rest from it, there was no rescue from it, no one listened to us or helped us talk about it or tried to get us out of the situation or work to keep us safe. Much less things like helping us process our feelings about it.
And so even though this was an unfortunate couple of weeks that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, we are really grateful for some of the things that we learned from the experience, and have really taken away a lot of insight about how hard life really was as -- when we were children. Because it’s one thing to be safe in the therapist's office and try to process hard things, but it’s another thing when you’re still actively living them. And I don’t just mean memory time invading now time. I mean it’s actually still happening externally. And so when it’s this hard just to deal with it when we’re already safe, I can’t imagine how hard it was when it was happening like at the time. Right?
And so I think that there is a new level of trying to have compassion for ourselves in some way. We’re definitely not good at it, and I’m not even sure what that looks like in order to be able to try and describe it. But there’s something that we learned that gives us more respect for the situation we were in as children, and for how hard we worked to get this far. And I think that that was really helpful, because -- when we think about how far we still have to go or all the things that we’re trying to do or how hard life can be sometimes, we forget how far we’ve come already. And we forget that we’ve already survived what we’ve been through in the past.
And so I think this was a good reminder, not just that now time really is safe, but also kind of validating how hard things really were in the past. Does that make sense? And so the thing that we are trying to focus on in the next month or so, kind of shifting from avoidance, which we’re definitely good at, but as part of not avoiding things, trying to be more present in the physical body, and notice what that means.
So the next session of the workbook, and the workbook that I’m talking about still is ‘Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation’, and it’s the one by Suzette Boon and Kathy Steele and Onna van der Heart. So, we’re in part two now, which is the section about caring for yourself. So there’s a chapter about sleep, and there’s a chapter about eating, and there’s a chapter about managing your time and routine, and sort of adding safety and stability through structure. Which we, again, try to do for the outside children. And so I don’t know why we didn’t ever think to do that for ourselves, or why we were so -- oh, wait. Dissociation. [Laughs]
Yeah, that’s a thing. Okay so, we apparently dissociate. And when you think about dissociation, that means you’re dissociating from something. Right? And so Dr. E talked about that in one of the very first podcasts. But what I have learned is that it’s not just about dissociating from each other internally, it’s also about dissociating from the body itself.
So when we had that interview with Dr. Pat Ogden, and she talked about using the body as an ally, I was like, “Wait. What?” And that has blown me out of the water. And here’s the thing, and she kind of alluded to it, but let me talk about it some more. It’s actually a really, really, really good time for us to be learning this for several reasons. I mean, not that it’s going to be easy, but the timing is legit. It’s really good, because number one, we’re off all of our cancer meds except for the low dose whatever that we have to be on for four years. So, this is as baseline as we’re going to get. Right? And so that’s a big thing where -- it’s a big thing. And what I mean by that is our body is available to be an ally. [Laughs] If that makes sense, because like, when you have cancer, your body can’t hang out with you, because it’s fighting something else. You have to work with your body to work on that.
But we’re doing better from the cancer now. We’re growing back hair. We are rocking it, and so our labs are really good with that. And so we feel strong, not strong like working out at the gym, strong, but strong like…not dead. [Laughs] And so this is a big thing and it’s a really good thing, and it’s a good time to start focusing on what have we learned through all the trauma stuff, and even cancer, what did that teach us about our body, and how we have to work together. Because when you have cancer, your body is the new boss of the maker of the rules. When you’re healthy and strong, you can push your body and push your body and push your body and not sleep or not eat right or work out too much or whatever your extremes are. But when you get cancer everything stops, and now your body finally gets a chance to be in the driver's seat.
And speaking of driver’s seat, I am not a bad driver. Don’t listen to Julie. If I’m 17 and drive like a 17 year old, what am I supposed to drive like? An old lady? No. I drive just fine, thank you so much. Nobody died on my watch while I was driving the car. So don’t even listen to her.
Okay so, here’s the other thing that makes it good timing to be learning about the body as an ally. It is that we also have Sjogren’s, which is an autoimmune disorder and it dries out everything, right, so like our eyeballs feel like sandpaper, and our mouth is so dry that sometimes we have trouble even breathing, because it’s just awful. You can feel the crackle of the lungs, because there’s not enough moisture in all of this. So we have drops for our eyes. We have a special mouthwash we have to use in our mouth. And then some other medicine we take, and steroids sometimes, which are awful. Steroids make me crazy. But that’s a whole different topic.
Anyway, so we have to treat this autoimmune disorder. But we got a new doctor when we moved to Kansas City. And the doctor in Kansas City told us about this way of eating, not a diet like in a restrictive sense, but a diet as in a style of eating. And he’s the one who taught us about that with Sjogren’s, you’ve got to eat based on water content in food. And so if you want a snack, for Sjogren’s, it’s better to eat a handful of grapes instead of a handful of raisins. Because raisins have to be rehydrated to be processed in your body, and your body already doesn’t have enough water and moisture and stuff. I don’t even want to get nasty about it. Your body doesn’t have enough anything to rehydrate those raisins for them to actually do you any good.
So what happens is that people with Sjogren’s, and even other autoimmune disorders, is that they eat and eat and eat, because they are hungry, because they’re malnourished. And so then when you’re eating the wrong things, you think you’re eating so much, but you’re not actually nourishing your body. But if I eat a handful of grapes instead of raisins, then it means that my body is not only getting the nutrients that it needs, but it’s also getting the water content it needs to process the food. Does that make sense?
And so I’m just using grapes and raisins as an example, because it’s so easy to understand that. But it’s changed everything. It’s changed everything about how we approach food. It’s taught us about a relationship with food we didn’t even know we had. And it has had life changing impact. I don’t even know how to tell you. Since we started doing this, our cancer labs have improved, they are considering us in remission. And I mean we took all of our other medication too. I’m not being hippy weird on you. A shout out to the hippies, I’m not making fun of them. But there are some people who won’t also accept good medications. And so we did everything we were supposed to. I’m not saying just go eat grapes and that will cure you of cancer. I am not saying that. Let me be clear. We did all of the treatments we were supposed to do. We’ve had surgeries. We’ve done all of the medical things.
We just also changed the way we eat. And it has been amazing. And we’ve also lost 11 pounds, which is a big deal, because all of our medication has just added weight and added weight. And even though we stayed active or ate fairly healthy, it was not changing what our weight was. And when you gain more weight, that makes it harder for pain issues or other things that are related to autoimmune disorders. So it’s all complicated, and really hard to struggle through all of that. And then when you get cancer, they say don’t lose weight, because the cancer eats first. And that was even more complicated, and it’s just been confusing.
And so we’ve had this added weight that was a result of sort of the circumstances we were living in, even though we tried to stay active and we tried to eat well. It did not change our weight. And so learning about the system, now very slowly, and very naturally, the weight is just kind of coming off, like a pound a week. Just so we’ve been eating like this for 12 weeks, and we’ve lost 11 pounds. And there’s been no up and down or anything like that. Just very slowly.
Because what’s happened is that we’re getting the water content we need to be able to process the nutrients we need we’re actually eating. And so when we have something that’s fun or a treat, like we have a little who likes oatmeal cookies. She can have an oatmeal cookie every day, and it’s actually not a crisis for anything, not for autoimmune or for pain or for cancer or for weight gain, because everything else is in order. And the body’s being able to work as it is designed. And it’s shifted everything because we’re able to care for ourselves differently than before, and we finally have a little bit more courage and a little bit more hope, because something is actually making a difference.
One of the things that this has made a difference in is that because the body is not getting as dry, we are sleeping through the night for the first time in ages, because we don’t have to wake up from not breathing, because of the dry throat and mouth that makes our lungs rattle. And so it’s an amazing thing. I’m sorry if I’m talking about too much details or too personal information, but it’s been a huge thing. And with it has come other things like more dreams, more nightmares, more other things that make sleeping difficult, because we have been so sleep-deprived, because we literally can’t breathe in the day or night well, when our body is that dry.
I don’t know how to explain to you what it’s like to breathe through your mouth or nose when there is no mucus or no saliva or no moisture in there at all. I’m not trying to gross you guys out, and I’m not trying to be gross, so I’m sorry that we’re talking about saliva. But I’m just saying when your body is attacking itself in all kinds of different autoimmune disorders, things go really wrong really quickly, and it messes up everything. And one of the biggest problems that we’ve had is sleep. And when you can’t sleep, you can’t function. And you just go bat crazy. I’m just going to put it out there. When you don’t sleep well enough, you are bat crazy, people. It is not good. It is not pretty. You are miserable. You think you’re very sad. You think the world is going to end. Talk about a depression trigger, and that doesn’t even count trying to handle switching or flashbacks or things like that. Like when you’re just finally straight up hallucinating, because you’re not sleeping. It’s bad. It’s bad. And so you’ve got to take care of yourself, and you’ve got to do the things that keep you healthy and well.
So all of these reasons are why it’s perfect timing for us to start learning more about how to care for our body, and more about how to do such simple things that we should know how to do. Right? And so what we did this week was chapter nine, which was all about improving sleep. And that seems entirely appropriate. And here’s the thing, it actually turns out you’re normal. Congratulations. It’s weird, right, I know. I know! But here’s the thing, most people with DID have sleep problems, whether that’s because of physical stuff like autoimmune disorders, whether it’s Sjogren’s or something else, or whether it’s because of nightmares or night terrors or hallucinations or flashbacks.
There’s also a lot of people who struggle with night time activity of different Parts or Alters who are busy at night doing things, because that’s the only time that they get time in the day. So think about that. That makes sense. Those of you who are a parent know what it’s like to put your kids down to sleep, and then try to get everything done in the evening, while they are down and asleep so that -- because that’s the only time you have to do it. Or the opposite of that, of like going out on your front porch and hanging out and resting, because it’s the only time you’ve had all day that’s quiet and not a bunch of children pawing at you.
And so this is sort of the same thing, when you have different Parts that are competing for time during the day, then some of them feel like at night is the only time they get a chance to do their stuff. And so you don’t get enough sleep, because even though you think you go to sleep, the body is back up with somebody else doing other things. And so then you don’t get enough sleep.
We also have one of our Little’s, who’s a trauma holder I guess is what it’s called, but she patrols the halls at night to make sure the outside kids are safe. And so we don’t get enough sleep, because she’s up checking everybody’s rooms, making sure no one’s in their rooms, making sure the children are in their beds and safe, standing guard outside the door, things like that. And so we’ve had to work with her and work with safety in ways to reassure her that the children are safe at night, and that it’s okay for the body to go to bed and sleep.
We also, sometimes, have difficulty falling asleep, because we know that there’s going to be nightmares and night terrors. And so, sometimes because of the anticipation of that, we struggle with actually relaxing enough to go to sleep. Or because we go to sleep so anxious, in such an anxious state, then there’s a lot of frequent waking, either from some switching that kind of happens in the sleep, or because of not settling and relaxing enough to stay asleep.
So all of these things make sleep a struggle, and less sleep increases the struggling of daily life. And what the workbook said, that I didn’t know, but should have known, I guess, is that not enough sleep increases emotional vulnerability. That's crazy, you guys. It’s maladaptive. You have to sleep. You’ve got to sleep. If you can’t sleep, you need to put on like a Dr. E podcast and you will be out. Put on an Emma podcast and you will be out. Just get some sleep. It will help you relax. I’m just kidding.
But I get that it’s hard. That’s all about trauma. And the workbook pointed out some good examples. Like when it gets dark and quiet, then your mind starts working overtime. When you’re avoiding memories -- hello! Avoidance! Then when you finally settle down and you’re not distracting yourself by being busy, then everything you’ve been avoiding comes to the surface. So, there’s another red flag that we really got to buckle down and do this, even though it’s super hard.
And then the kind of obvious thing is that night itself is a trigger, because of what happened in the dark and in your bed, and things like that. So there’s lots of things about going to bed, going to sleep, getting ready for bed, all these kinds of things, can be triggers for other Folx inside, or other Parts inside, and memories and things like that. So, bed time can just really be hard. Also, in the dark, you may feel more alone and unprotected, and so that can also make it really challenging to relax enough to go to sleep.
The workbook also said that “sleepwalking, crying, moaning, shouting, or fighting, while asleep are not uncommon.” They also said, Some survivors may have bed wetting, even though they are adults. Although this may be embarrassing, it is important to understand that some dissociative Parts of the self may experience themselves as very young and terrified. Such Parts may be too afraid to get out of bed and go to the bathroom, or they may be so terrified that they urinate involuntarily. If this happens, do not be hard on yourself. Just change your bed linens and continue to work on grounding, inner empathy, and reassurance about present day safety for those Parts of yourself.” So there you go. That’s like a plan of what to do if that’s an issue.
So, when you’re trying to find ways that provide safe sleep and comfortable sleep and quality sleep by setting up a structure and a routine, and coping skills for bed time and nighttime specifically, that’s called sleep hygiene. And some of the things that the work book suggests are to make your room safe and comfortable to -- and that this includes removing obvious triggers. So if there’s something specific that’s a trigger, then make sure it’s not in the room at bedtime.
So for example, The Husband can be kind of a fancy pants man, and so he wears a belt every day. That’s fine. He’s all metro. He can be wearing his fancy belt every day if he wants, but when he takes it off at night, I cannot be here when he pulls it out of the belt loops, because it makes that “whoosh” sound and that is a huge trigger for us. And he also can’t just leave it on the bed, because that’s a trigger for us. He has to go ahead and make sure that he’s hung it up in the closet. And he’s really good about that. I’m not saying that’s a complaint I have about The Husband. He’s very good about it, but I’m just saying it’s an example of something at bedtime that can be super triggering that you can easily remove from the room and from the setting and from exposure, if you’re not ready to be exposed to something like that. So that those are not triggers right before bedtime when you’re trying to settle down.
And then just like you want to make your room a safe place and comfortable, you need to make sure that inside is safe and comfortable too. So, we’ve been working for most of the last year on rescuing some of the Little’s and bringing them into the attic. But we don’t just bring them into the attic where we keep them safe, we’ve also got Molly in there helping. And one of the things that she does with them is help them paint the walls, she sews curtains, she makes sure they all have safe clothes or pajamas as they want, that everyone has safe blankets, and the kind of bed they want. Like John Mark totally got himself a hammock. And making their rooms internally as safe as our room externally for whatever it means to them. So everyone may have a different view of what that looks like, and I’m sure that that will continue to sort of unfold and develop over time. But it’s something we’re working on and paying attention to.
You can also use things that are safety tools. The workbook talks about having a safety kit. We just call them grounding tools or whatever, but really it’s super simple. We have the stuffed bear that we got from the therapist. We have a watch that lights up in the dark so if we get scared, there’s already a watch on us, where we can get light really quickly. And we have the new elephant that we got for the Little who was learning about some specific issues, and the therapist talked to her about elephants and what they mean and why that’s special to her. And so we will share that another time.
But so we have a stuffed bear and a yellow elephant and the watch. And those are things that help us. There are also a few of us who, if we’re the ones out at bedtime, we use peppermint oil before we go to sleep. Other people, that wakes them up too much, and they might use something like lavender or other oils or maybe diffuse something in the room, but for us, a lot of them inside, because it’s what we use in the therapist's office, really associate peppermint with safety. And so they use that. I, myself, if I’m having a movie date with The Husband on the couch in our bedroom before bed, and I’m the one gonna go to sleep, then I light some incense or some candles. But it just depends on who’s out and what your preference is and what your needs are. But you can get pretty creative about what will help at bedtime.
You can also make sure you lock doors. And again, that could be externally or internally. You may lock the front door of your house or your apartment, but also lock your bedroom. You could also make sure that the doors inside, whatever your internal world looks like, the doors inside there are either locked or some kind of alarm or something as well.
And then as a system, we have to work together to communicate about bedtime, because it has to happen. At some point, the body has got to shut down and sleep. We had two weeks of tornadoes and three nights that were severe storms, and we almost didn’t get any sleep at all on those nights. And when the storm finally passed, we slept for almost 16 hours, got up and had dinner with the family, and then went to bed and slept another full night. That’s how tired we were. So, it’s no wonder we were in such a miserable state and really struggling. We are doing so much better now. And it’s really because of sleep. It was such a simple thing and easy thing to fix.
Not that dealing with nightmares or triggers is easy, I’m not at all trying to minimize that. I’m just saying we have the power to be creative to make changes to communicate about what we need to express ourselves when we need to reach out for help, and it totally makes all the difference in the world.
One thing the workbook said about this was really significant, I thought. In talking about Alters being up at night, or other Parts of you getting up at night, or thinking that that’s the only time they have to do anything, they pointed it out just straight up. I’m going to read this, because it was powerful. “Some Parts may be active during the night, because they perceive it as their time, when you are not burdened by the responsibilities of daily life. This activity” -- this is what I want you to hear, because I was like, “Wait. What?”
Because I totally do this. I’m like, “You people deal with the kids, and then I’m going to have fun at night.” Hello, pleasure. No, I’m just kidding. Seriously, I would just want to hang out or do my stuff at night where there’s not so many interruptions. It’s really hard especially like now with the kids out of school for summer. It’s hard to get things done when there’s so many interruptions, right? And so it makes sense I’ll just deal with it later. But listen to what this says. She says, “This activity is a sign that you are not giving yourself sufficient personal time during the day.” [Gasp] What? Ba-bam.
And so they’re saying you need to do more self care during the daytime so the night time does not become a battleground or a crisis for what you can get finished before the body crashes and collapses. And part of communicating about that includes negotiating about different needs, being respectful with different preferences, and reassuring those who are actually frightened at night. So those inside, who really struggle with nighttime or bedtime, it’s important to be available to them and reassure them.
This means you got to be nice, you guys. Like, take a chill pill, have some compassion, and be all tender like - tender. Tender. Chicken tenders, yeah yeah! That’s what’s in my head. John Mark sang that when I said tender. He’s like “Chicken tenders, yeah yeah! Chicken tenders, yeah yeah!” That’s what I hear right now. Oh my goodness. I can’t even.
Okay, I’m trying to talk seriously. This is important. Trying to reassure Others, especially Littles or those who are scared at nighttime, that the body is safe, that now time is safe, even though it’s nighttime or bedtime. And they gave examples of some things you could say. Like, “Don’t forget that I’m taking care of you and we are safe.” Like, how hard is that? That’s way nicer than just me being a snot, and being like, “Ah, Sh--.” Only I said the “S” word. When you have four year olds, the “S” word is shut up. And so you’re not supposed to say, to inside kids or outside kids, the “S” word. And I’m just letting you know that that’s how it rolls. So, be careful of your language, and be all gentle, like tender-like. Chicken tenders, yeah yeah! Oh my goodness. This is -- ugh. Stop. Okay. See, I can be nice. I’m like, “Stop!” I just bark at them. That’s not very reassuring.
So, here’s the thing, barking at children, inside children or outside children, barking at them is not the same as reassuring them. So this is why we need people like Emma. I’m always making fun of people and getting in trouble for it. So, let’s go on record that I am acknowledging that Emma, the big ol’ scaredy cat mousy one, contributes something, because I’m like, “Everybody out of my way! Leave me alone!” And she is the one who can reassure them. So find whoever, whether it’s someone like Emma, or someone like Molly, find someone who can be reassuring to them, and just communicate that we are taking care of each other and we are safe, the body is safe.
Another example of something that you could say, that they suggested in the workbook is something like, “I am in now time. What happened to me is over. I am safe. My body is in the present. I am doing all I can to help other Parts of me.” So, if I’m going to help other Parts of me, then when John Mark is singing the chicken tenders song, I will make sure that Em gets the message that we need some chicken dinner. So, chicken for dinner it is.
But for the podcast, which I’m trying really hard to focus on and stay present and not switch, is that at bedtime we can reassure each other and say things like these little scripts, which you can easily adapt for yourself, and help things stay calm, and help them not feel alone, I guess. Which, that’s legit. I don’t like to be alone. And so if I were alone and also scared, I would totally be uncomfortable. So I can get it at that level. And so just reminding them of the things that they need to know or feel comforted by.
I know that someone writes NTIS on our hand in a sharpie -- with a sharpie most nights. So, maybe there’s someone that’s waking up and seeing that and that that’s reassuring. Or maybe just writing it, the process of writing it, helps them feel safe before we go to bed. I don’t know which way it is, because I don’t know who’s doing it, but I know that that’s something that’s helpful. But just, I am in now time. What happened to me is over. I am safe. My body is in the present. I am doing all I can to help all Parts of me. That’s just an example of something you can say that empowers you to care well for yourself and care well for the others inside.
The workbook also recommends different things, like counting sheep, or counting backwards. You have to be careful of some of those things, because some of that can be really triggering for certain survivors who have been through certain things. And so be careful about the counting, but it works for some people. They also suggest imagining a big stop sign each time you start thinking about something. After you see the stop sign, refocus your attention on breathing, and then it gives some examples of breathing exercises.
And then they also said -- this part was kind of helpful for me, because I know sometimes I get a little skittish like when something does freak me out, then it’s hard not to obsess about it. The more I try not to think about something, the more I do think about it. Right? That’s always the thing. And so they’re saying, in this workbook, that it’s better just to notice it. Be like, “Oh, I remembered that, and I am noticing that, and I remember that, and this is what’s triggered it.” And kind of just being present with it and letting it pass, instead of obsessing about it and keeping it stirred up. So, I think that’s going to take some practice, but maybe I could give it a try. I don’t know.
But they gave the visual of a stream or a creek or a river or something, and I’m not talking about Oklahoma and Kansas, where the river has flooded the entire planet. I just mean a normal little, tiny little creek, like a babbling brook. That is a positive image. So, imagining like it’s a leaf just sort of coming down the stream, but also moving on. It doesn’t stay there. It doesn’t drown you. It doesn’t attack you. It doesn’t fly at you in your face. It just sort of stays on the river, so you notice it coming down, but you also notice it moving on and going away. So, it talked about that kind of image.
And then talking about remembering to do the things that you know how to do, like journaling and workbooks. [Laughs]. Because when you stop doing them, you’re going to go bat crazy, people. They also said you could imagine putting your problems or your triggers or the nightmares in some kind of container, like a computer disk, or a room, or a safe, or a balloon, or a box, or a vault, or something, that you can just pause them. Some people talk about a VCR, which is hilarious, because who still has a VCR? Oh, we do. So a VCR or a DVD player or whatever, like just hitting the “pause” button and coming back to it later when you have more help, or when you’re feeling stronger. Or finding other ways that are appropriate in your world - externally or internally, to sort of contain it into later, so that you can take a break and rest. Even if you’re aware that part of why you’re resting is to be strong enough to come back and deal with it.
And then they also remind you that if you wake up and can’t go back to sleep, then you should just get up and do something else for a little while, and then come back and try again. They do give a reminder for using sleep medication appropriately. We don’t use sleep medication, because some of it is really strong and addictive and actually helps your brain forget how to put itself to sleep, and makes nightmares worse and things like that. So, we’re not really interested in that. There was a period of time, years and years ago, after a hospitalization and a specific incident that happened, where it was a fresh trauma, where we did use -- I think it was called Sonata something for a little while. But it was a sleep medication that was not addictive, and it only worked for like four hours. And so it just helped us relax enough to be able to get to sleep, and then we could sleep on our own, without it being a super strong medicine that kept us asleep or left us feeling drugged or hallucinating or made nightmares worse or made sleeping without it worse. So we took that very short-term, for a very little while. And other than that, we have not used any medications.
There is a sleepy time tea, that is a herbal tea, that helps sometimes if we’re having a little bit of trouble relaxing before bedtime. So, those are different ideas that can help.
The workbook, which we have not -- the other thing the workbook does, is that you could keep a record, like if those of you who use bullet journals, or if you want to just draw a graph, or there’s one in the book you can use, of just writing down the days and what time you go to bed, what time you wake up, what struggles in the night you had, what helped or didn’t help, and how much you actually slept. Those kinds of things may be helpful for you to track or for you to track along with your therapist or doctor. And so they give an example of that, but you can also search for that online, and find a ton of them, or make your own. So, just an idea for safe sleep, because nobody wants to be bat crazy. You guys got to sleep. Let your bodies relax.
For those of you who like meditations for relaxation, the other thing that can be really helpful are listening to some of those if you’re comfortable and safe with that. I know we had Robert Cox on the podcast a few episodes ago. And one of the things that he does well are some of these meditations on his podcast. So, you could listen to those, or find lots of others, either on podcasts or YouTube, and see what helps your body relax. We may share some progressive muscle relaxation exercises that we have used, or have done in the past, but because of some specific issues that we’re going through right now, it’s too triggering for us to do on this episode. So, we’ll have to share those in a separate episode, but hopefully those give you some ideas for some safe sleep.
I think the thing that has helped us the most for sleep is simply knowing there is something we can do about it, because for us, or at least for me -- I don’t want to speak for everybody else, but at least for me, part of the problem is not knowing what to do and feeling overwhelmed and helpless and hopeless. And that’s when I crash and burn really fast. So knowing that there are things I can actually do to help contribute towards better sleep and feeling better and functioning better really make a difference for just even beginning to start trying to relax, and knowing that it will get better with practice, and it will get better with therapy and staying in treatment. So, all of these are life goals, you guys.
So once again, there’s something that babies are really good at, that we never learned how to do or that trauma interfered with or that are really hard for us as an adult, but we can do it, and here are some ideas that could help. And I hope that that gives you some sweet dreams, at least.
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