Transcript: Episode 30
30: Flying to Orlando
Welcome to the System Speak podcast.
[Short piano piece is played, lasting about 20 seconds]
[Background noise with people talking for approximately 20 seconds]
That sound is just the airport, but that’s what it sounds like in my head all the time, you guys.
[Background noise with people talking for approximately 5 seconds]
Today was really hard. Sounds like that on the outside, when I already feel like that on the inside, is a huge trigger for me. It’s just too overwhelming and it’s too confusing and I was very disoriented. Today was really hard. Here’s what happened.
[Background noise with people talking for approximately 10 seconds]
Okay guys, there are people everywhere. But they are just going to think I’m talking on my phone. I know it will give a lot of background noise, but welcome to podcasting. This is super intense. I am completely overwhelmed. We were one pound over our baggage weight limit - one whole entire pound. Noone would budge and so we had to pay an extra $20 for our suitcase [laughs], because when you pack for 18,000 people for an entire week in one suitcase, that’s what happens. But we got it done and we got it in there and it’s finished, so…
The other issue is that it’s actually 10 degrees below zero at our airport and so they keep salting and clearing and snow plowing the runways in between flights. So, everything is delayed because they have to keep clearing the runways, because it’s covered in snow and ice. This is what we get for moving up to the north, but at least we’re north enough that they know how to handle it because it’s going to be fine.
So, we’re waiting now for our plane. We board in about 20 minutes and panic attack for sure already today. And we will see if we are even able to actually participate. We may just be taking one really expensive flight to a hotel room. I really don’t know. It’s that big of a deal and it’s that hard. Like guys, we don’t even leave our house. It’s huge. It’s a really big deal. So, we’ll see, but we’re trying and I thought maybe if I checked in, that it would feel better and relieve some pressure.
Maybe we can actually at least get on the plane. The other thing is that when I got to the line to go through security, I took my backpack off and I took the laptop out...like all the things you have to do, right? And I went down to take off my shoes and I was not wearing my shoes anymore. I was wearing flip flops, which is ridiculous because it’s snowing out there. So, I have flip flops and socks. And then also, I was no longer wearing my clothes. I am now wearing overalls in front of everyone at the airport. So, I’m attractive. [Laughs]
Whatever it takes, I guess. We are trying. We are trying our best and I’ve gotten some gum.
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
That scares me to death every time - all the announcements. So over this. Okay, I really don’t know how we’re going to survive this, you guys. [Laughs] This is so bad.
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
Ah!
Okay, so the good news is.
Ugh! I totally can’t handle this. It’s so bad. It’s so, so bad. The good news is that we have a direct flight. So, if we can just get on the plan at least and then manage to get back off the plan. [Laughs] Then at least we can get out of the airports. So, there you go. We’ll check in on the other side.
[Silence for approximately five seconds]
Okay. So, I found a quieter corner. It’s certainly not quiet, but a corner at least where I can talk and breathe. I don’t know if I can do this.
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
The announcements and the noise and all the people and… I don’t even know if I can get on the airplane. So, I thought if I just come talk for a minute and think and breathe, that maybe I can at least get on the airplane. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. It’s not about a specific something.
It’s just...oh. I just watched a plane take off. That was crazy. Like it shot almost straight up into the air. I mean, it was diagonal, but oh my goodness. I can’t do this.
[Sound of breathing]
[Silence for approximately five seconds]
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
Okay, so I’m shaking so bad. Like I physically almost can’t hold the phone. And what I’m doing now is looking around, because it’s a direct flight to Orlando straight from here. So, I’m looking around to see if there’s anyone else who looks like they’re going where I’m going [laughs] - if there’s anyone else like us [laughs], if there’s anyone else like us that had to pay an extra $20 to get their bag on the plane.
The other thing is that we’re someone on a flight with some sort of girls sports team. I don’t know which team or what they play, but it’s kind of my worst nightmare. So, that’s not helping. [Laughing]
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
Ugh.
Okay guys, we did it. We’re on the plane in our seat breathing. Somehow being on the plan is easier than actually walking down the plank to get on the plane. So, now that we’re here and in our seat, I think everything’s okay. So, yeah, let’s do this. Let’s go to Orlando. Ah!
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
I’m so glad they gave me some food to eat. That means everything’s fine, right? So much better. Let’s do this.
[Background noise of someone speaking over an intercom]
Okay guys, I made it to baggage claim and I can get our bags and find our car and everything’s going to be okay, because I got this. And we made it to Orlando and everything’s okay and I am going to get our bags, okay? I just got to watch for them.
Okay, I’m trying to hold it together. I’ve already cried, had another panic attack, because our plane was late, they gave away our car even though we had a receipt showing we had one reserved. So, they gave us our money back, but now we have no car. So, we had to get in line for the shuttle behind two sports teams and then...I just can’t.
I’ve waited in line for an hour for the shuttle and then went where they told us to go. But, then when the shuttle came, they said we had to check in one more time, that we were at the front of the line, but they said there was another desk. The lady didn’t tell us. We have to check in there first. So, now everyone else behind us -
[Background noise of someone speaking over the intercom]
So now everyone that got in line behind us got to get on the shuttle and we had to go back to the desk and the shuttle left without us and now we have to wait another hour for the next shuttle. And the sports teams are now in front of us. So, we may have to wait another hour after that and I’m spent. I’m out of spoons. We can’t do this. It’s too hard. That’s how I feel right now. I’m overwhelmed. I’m not having fun. It’s too much work. I can’t do it right and even when I try to be prepared it didn’t work.
So, I’m having a lot of negative thoughts and a lot of false thoughts and just need to keep going and get there and then I’m done. I’m not going to try to meet anyone tonight. I’m not trying to connect with anyone tonight. I have nothing left in me. We are done for today.
[Silence for approximately five seconds]
Okay guys, here’s what you need to know. Everything is okay. I got it under control. She have a little dissociating and also we have some struggles, but I take care of everything. Everything is A-OK.
Here’s what happened today. First of all, them girls on the plane were so loud. They weren’t even paying attention to the people around them being nice or nothing. And so it was really hard. Them girls were louder than the outside kids. So, we knew that them girls were really loud and the outside kids are really loud and the inside kids are really loud, it was too much for us. We just need like a sound break. Like a break from all the sounds.
And then the next thing that happened is that we get to the airport and we get off the plane and I get inside the airport and I’m thinking we got this. We can do okay. We can do okay because I like airplanes and I like airports and I’m pretty good at it. So, I can be a traveling man, but there’s some problems in the airport.
First of all, number one, there is Mickey Mouse everywhere. And there are some people who like Mickey Mouse and that’s alright if you like some Disney things and if you like some Disney things, that’s a good thing. You’re going to have a really good week, but if you do not like Disney things, this place is scary. It’s like Disney threw up everywhere. You can’t go nowhere without there being Mickey Mouse. And there’s Mickey here, Mickey there, Mickey everywhere, Mickey, Mickey. I mean, I’m telling you there’s Mickey Mouse everywhere and it is scary.
And they try to make you pay for all kinds of extra things. So, when I finally got to the...so, I’ll tell you about that in a minute. But, the next thing that happened was I had to get on the train and ride the train all the way to get our bags. And I got our bags, you heard that, then I had to get back on the train with the bags to go where the cars are. And you know what? My car was not there and I said I need help from big people, but all them big people are done because it was too hard. And I said, well, somebody’s got to help me. Sasha can help me or Kate or somebody’s big got to help me. And we tried really hard to work together. Everything give me a headache. It hurt right here, by my eyeballs.
Well, the next thing that happened was they said our car was gone, because our plane was late. So, they think we’re not coming. And I said, what’s the matter with you guys? I got this piece of paper says I’m coming and it’s already paid for. And they said, well, we’ll be glad to give you a refund. And they gave me a refund and I said, well that’s right nice of you guys, but I’m still here, aren’t I? Because I’m not at my hotel, am I? So, what are we going to do about that? Except I said it real nice, because I know to use my manners. But, that’s what I was thinking on the inside, you know?
So finally, we worked it out and we found at all the way at the end of the other building, we found where we can sign up for a show to get to the hotel. Well, I did that and she said you need to go stand over here and wait in this line by the curb outside. And I followed directions, because I’m a good directions follower. And I did. I was right where I was supposed to be and I had to wait an hour for that shuttle almost. Well, like 45 minutes and that shuttle finally come. And while I waited on him, all these people walking by me and all these mens are walking by me and it’s making me all nervous.
But, I’m trying just to stay put and then the shuttle finally comes and he says, you’re check in needs a check mark. You don’t got a check mark. I’m not in school. I don’t know about check marks. And so, I went where he said I was supposed to go and while I was there at that desk again...well, he left me. He left me right there and then all them girls went up from that team...they all went on and got on the next one.
So then I’m waiting another hour and then finally I got on the shuttle. And when we got on the shuttle, it’s okay because I got a ride to the hotel and I made sure I got my bags on there. Well, here’s what else happened trying to get on the shuttle. While that driver man was getting my bags on there, I had to get on the seat and he said you got to take a seat. Well, I can’t take a seat, because there’s a man sitting in the front row and he won’t let anyone walk past. You know what that’s called? That’s called manspreading. And he was manspreading all over the aisle and he won’t let me go over him or around him or past him and I said listen here mister, you got to be a gentleman. Excuse me, please. And then he move his leg just enough so I can get by. But already he’s taking up three seats with his backpack and his bag and his big old manspreading. Like I don’t know how to sit like a gentleman on the shuttle.
And behind him was a row with two girls and they’re just taking pictures of each other on their phone. And then in my row is another lady and I can tell by looking at her that lady’s going to the same conference we’re going to. But, I don’t say nothing because I don’t want to scare her or be rude.
Well, then she went to sleep, which was smart thinking. Except I know she’s just pretending, but I know that’s a good way to keep you safe from having to talk to strangers. So, I was polite and I did not do no manspreading and I did not try to talk to her when she obviously do not want to have conversation, because that’s called respect.
So, finally we get to the hotel and that lady gets off at the same place we do, but well, I had to wait in line again for checking in. And trying to check in...the computer’s are not working and I’m like what is wrong with the universe - trying to keep me from coming to this conference? I want to be here and we worked hard to be here. And it feels like a big, old tiring failure of a day, except I know it’s not because we worked hard to get here and that is still true - no matter what happened to our car or what happened to their computers or what kind of manspreading at the man hotel man think he is.
So, we finally got to our room and well, it smells like a fish pond or something. But, I know how to handle that. I wet down a wet washcloth and I put peppermint oil on it and I unscrewed their vent and I stuck that washcloth up in there and now my room smells right pretty, like peppermint, thank you very much. So, I’m not even creeped out by it. But, we were a big, old crying mess and she couldn’t even finish a podcast because they were trying...if they talk about it...then they can stay grounded. So, they were trying along the way, but I just had to help them. But, I help them by saying stop worrying about nothing, we’ll take care of it. And what they did was called the husband and they can say like, we got here safe and then have some crying. But then everything’s okay.
And so then I know what we need is some food, because we didn’t get any food all day. Well, she has some protein at breakfast, but then we had to get on the airplane at lunch and then our plan was late and then they have a peanut allergy on the plan, so they can not pass out our snacks. I’m not saying...well, I’m sorry for the peanut allergy, but I’m still hungry. You can give me something. And you can give me something healthy, because if you can eat some of your peanuts and that girl has a peanut allergy, she’ll be dead. If you don’t give me a snack, I’ll be dead. And so, you got to give us a snack so nobody is dead.
But, they did not, so I was real hungry by the time we had all that waiting. All we had was our protein drink this morning and now it was like 10:30 at night. Except, I don’t know if it was 10:30 or 11:30 here, but anyway, it was late and I was hungry and I was tired and them girls are just crying and crying. So, the husband settled them down and I went on my phone and I ordered some Indian food. Because you know what about Indian food? It will make you full up, because you get rice and you get some vegetables and you can get some meat. And also, I got mango slushies, because I like it. But, it’s healthy kind of a little bit healthy. And so I just drink part of it, but I’ll finish it for breakfast, because I got a fridge in my room.
And then when we are feeling all better, because we’re done crying and we done unpacking and we’re done eating some food in our belly, well then, I went for a walk. And you know what I found on my walk? I found the swimming pool and I found the place where we can play and I met a dog that was a big, old poodle dog. Like, the biggest one I ever saw. Like, as big as high as my waist. I’m not even kidding, you guys. And I know when you see a dog that’s your friend, you still don’t touch it without permission. But, our girls inside, they’re still too upset from the day for talking to nobody. So, I did not ask to touch the dog. But, if you see that dog and it’s not a working dog. Some dogs are working dogs and you don’t touch them even for asking, because they’re working.
Like if Kris is working, she don’t want nothing to touch her, because she’s a working dog. But, this dog was not working. I don’t know if it was a working dog or not, but right now it was not working. He was just peeing and pooping like on a walk. But, it was playing. But that dog, you guys, that dog was beautiful and that dog had a friend and she was nice as can be. Just looking for where is the parking lot so her dog can go potty, because like on the bushes, you know? And we don’t need to talk about that, but she’s taking that dog for a walk and she’s doing a find job of it. So, I don’t know if that person is going to be listening at this podcast or if that people have a lot of people inside or just nobody inside, but they got a beautiful dog, I’ll tell you that. And I hope I see that dog again, because it was a beautiful dog.
Also, we got three friends who cannot even see. And guess what? They brought their working dogs and I hope I get to see them working dogs, but I know the rules. I’m not to bother the working dogs, but I can look at the working dogs even if I can’t bother the working dogs. So, also then I went up the elevators and I walk around and I found the gym for the girls can run and I found where some meeting rooms are and I found a store.
And guess what? In the lobby, you guys, this is very important, you pay attention, like you cannot be falling asleep. You got to listen to this. It’s very important. They have donuts - I mean, giant donuts. Donuts that are bigger than my head. I am not even kidding. You thought that dog was big? You should see these donuts. These are maybe donuts for big dogs, because it is the biggest donuts I ever saw in my whole life. And I really wanted one, but I know the rules. And I was being a good team player. I did not get a donut. I did get a mango slushie. But, I did not get a donut.
And so I just got some milk. Because we brought our own cereal. Because we’re good for our own budget, so we brought our cereal for morning. But, I needed some milk and I found it. Are you proud of me? And I bought that. And she said well, you can get this gallon and you can get it for $15. I said, you know what, I can go catch my own cow before I’m going to pay $15 for some milk. Are you kidding me? So, I got the little milks, but just enough of them. Because I’m a smart kid and my therapist she say that was stinking smart and I tell you, I know it. Thank you, very much.
So, I did not let her sell me nothing, but you have to be careful because here, they try to sell you everything. And there’s just Mickey’s everywhere and I just cannot even go in that store and look around and I just cannot. Our littles, we brought our own stuffies. We already got them and oh my goodness, this is very scary. Hey guys, do not listen if you don’t want to be scared. Guess what? On Saturday, you can have breakfast with Mickey Mouse. Now, there are going to be some littles out there who are very excited about that and I’m really proud of them and I’m really happy of them that they get to do that, but we are not going to do that, because we do not like them dressing up with a mask, even if it’s just Mickey Mouse. So, that’s very scary and I’m glad they saw the sign, because when I know that, then I know do not even go over there on that morning at that time because I do not want to see them characters.
So, I don’t know if this conference...if it s here every year, we probably won’t come back. But, if it’s at a different place every year, we probably will come back. But, I do not want to come to Orlando again. I’m really sorry if I be offending you people who live here, because I am sure you are very nice. But, I’m not having a very good day and I’m not very happy with it yet. But, not because it’s not a good place, it’s just a really long day.
I’m not mad at nobody. I’m not...well, I guess I said something rude and now I feel bad for saying something rude. But, I just think all them people dressing up like cartoons scares the jeebers out of me and I just don’t want any part of it. But, I’ll give you all your respect if you like it and I’ll be really proud of you for doing it. So, you have fun, all you guys in the ways you can. But, I brought colors and UNO and games and toys and we’ll just have our own fun our own way, because it is not my way.
But it’s like when you’re at the table and you go to someone’s house for dinner and they say, here have some of this and you say, ugh. You just can’t say stuff like that out loud. You got to have manners and you got to be polite and be gentlemens and ladies. And so when they do that and you know you don’t like it, you just say no thank you, please. So, if anybody asks me one more time if I want to buy tickets at a discount for Disney World, I’m going to say no thank you, please. And I’ll just keep on walking.
Thank you for joining us with System Speak - a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. You can listen to the Podcast on Spotify, Google Play and iTunes or follow along on our website - www.systemspeak.org. Thanks for listening.