Transcript: Episode 13
At The Park
[Short piano piece is played, lasting about 20 seconds]
*Background noise - children playing, the sound of walking in leaves*
So, we’re at the park today and I can play and I can go on the slide and I can climb everything and I can run. We’re playing together and there’s a lot of leaves so I can run in the leaves and there’s a stream and I can, I can play by the stream and got some frogs.
And, and..um...and...well I don’t know what else but I can see our therapist tomorrow or the next day. It’s almost time. She said she didn’t forget me and she said “hold my horses, I’ll see her in a minute.” So, in a minute maybe on another day coming up. So, if I hold my horses and I can. I can hold my horses and I can see her pretty soon, but not yet, almost. But we can already be here and be close and I can be ready and if it snows, I can still come here, but then I got to tell her good-bye because...but then I got to tell her good-bye because she’s going to be off for some Holiday’s, but sometimes the holidays are when I need some help. So, that’s a little bit hard for me, but I know she trying to be nice about it so I try to be nice about it.
Husband says that a baby doesn’t scream when they need something. He says a baby cries when he needs something and when he gets what it needs, it stops crying, but when it doesn’t get what it needs, that’s why it screams. And he says that’s why the same with our kids. If they get what they need, they might cry but they don’t scream. But if they don’t get what they need and no one’s listening at them then they will scream, but I thought maybe it’s the same with us or me.
I mean, I’m not screaming and we don’t really have...well we are screamers, but I mean maybe that’s like the same thing if we, if we can get what we need and someone will listen to us...we don’t gotta scream, or, or do nothing that’s not safe because we didn’t get our needs and everything’s okay so it means, it means, it means, my therapist, she’s really good and she really listen at me and she really help me. So, we don’t gotta do nothing appropriate or, or, or, or ugly or cause any problems and just keep talking together and learning together and playing together. Because if our, um...if our needs are met and if I can meet some needs, like a rescue mission or something then maybe, then maybe we’ll, maybe everything’s okay because, because everything’s okay...so I remind myself and tell the others that everything’s okay and our needs, our needs are meeting and our therapist ..she listen to us..anything we want to say, or anything we want to write or if we need tell her, hey this is really hard I need to say this is really hard.
So, then it kind of just stops right at that part. So, it just kind of stops at that part. It doesn’t have to get harder. It doesn’t have to get worser because we said it, and since we said it, it stop getting worser and talking harder because we said it. It can still be hard. It can still be hard time of it, but if we say it out loud to our therapist or if we write down for the therapist, then that’s meeting our needs and our therapist meeting our needs and that just means it’s hard but it’s not worser.
So even when I thought it was hard, I don’t think it’s worser because, because my, my needs are meeting and she’s, she knows about my needs meeting and she’s good at that and I’m good at that. So, me and her...we can be a team and we can work together.
So, I’ll get to see her soon. Maybe today or tomorrow or the next day it is. I don’t know, but, but when I do is when I do my needs are meeting and then I feel better and they feel better and it gives our inside gets are not so, so hard time or worser because our needs are meeting. So, I’m learning about that.
Also, I’m walking and I saw a squirrel and I saw some birds and the sun's out today. It’s not cold and it’s not snowy so it’s kinda nice to play outside so we can go to the park and play outside. Because also, I just really like to play outside in the sunshine and breathe me some air and hold my horses for therapy soon, but not yet. Maybe in a minute. Or five minutes, but I just want to sit and play with some squirrels and some birds and play on the playground and walking and, and I can walk in the leaves and the crunch, crunch, crunch, but not the same crunching as the snow crunch, crunch, crunch. It’s a different kind of crunching, but I like it.
I like it because it means I’m outside and I’m playing and I’m strong and it was a good day and some sunshine and I like that, but sometimes those leaves make me think of something else and it does not mean, my needs is not meeting so sometimes, I don’t, I don’t like the leaves. They make me worry a little bit, but I tell my therapist about it, but it reminds me of something else, I, I don’t really want to talk about it.
But, I like the sunshine on and so I try to say, “Now time is safe and my needs are meeting, so it’s okay if I, if I want to just go on a little walk in the leaves and everything’s okay and happy and I try to do better and good of how to do a better job of it and plan some rescue missions and how maybe play and then we can play so we need a snack. Because, if you have play time it is snack time, so I can go through the leaves for, because I want to get snack time.
So, that’s a pretty good idea. So, I just play, be nice to people, needs meeting or ask our kids or our inside kids, hey everybody be happy and strong and a good life, kind of, altogether and learn some things.
And then when I’m done holding my horses, I can go, I can go to therapy and see my therapist again because I did a good job holding my horses.
*the sound of walking in the leaves*
Thank you for joining us with System Speak - a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. You can listen to the Podcast on Spotify, Google Play and iTunes or follow along on our website - www.systemspeak.org. Thanks for listening.