THERAPY TOPICS

Emma opens up about the ways Mother’s Day has been difficult in the past (trigger warning for references to miscarriages, deceased parents, infertility, and abuse dynamics). These issues are only referenced, not described in detail. She then shares that this year she is focusing instead on the things she has learned from the therapist, and she gives a list of ten.

We share some updates and start to answer emails, but someone writes in about having to find a new therapist. We share our experience of this, and talk about what we did to find a good therapist for us. We share examples of helpful and not helpful responses from prospective clinicians.

Sasha tries to tell a story while John wants to take the littles to the park. The story is about the ongoing saga of trying to get to therapy, and almost hitting a deer on the way. There is a one-time reference to “The Great Spirit” in context of looking up meaning of Native American symbols. The deer experience is used to explain what a flashback is like without having to use any abuse memories to do so. The experience of almost hitting the deer is used as an analogy for the therapeutic process. No specific memories or abuse descriptions are given.

In this episode, John and JohnMark talk a bit about therapy today. Specifically, they share about watching Taylor talk to the therapist for the first time and then JohnMark switching out to take his turn. John shares some specifics about applying what we learned in group the last two weeks. There are some abuse references in this episode, such a reference to being locked in a room and a reference to a photography studio, but no specific details given. The context is in effort to reach two insiders who maybe could be moved to safer places in the internal world as part of a “rescue mission”.

Emma finds herself at a park after therapy - with a note about “Meeting Minutes”. She reads the notes of the system’s first internal meeting, where Dr. E and John plan how to have meetings and how to invite the others to come. Molly joins them, taking notes for Dr. E so that once things are going, she can take over so Dr. E can focus on outside work. Part of their planning includes a rescue mission for some trauma-bound littles. Later in the episode, John shares that the therapist helped them with this very rescue mission, and one of the girls has been brought up to the attic to be cared for by Molly. God is referenced in passing as far as distinguishing between one’s faith and what others say faith should be, but this is not an at-length discussion. Spinning is mentioned in passing. No specific traumas or memories are shared in this episode.

Dr. E shares what she learned in a conference session with Kathy Steele about dissociation and shame. She explains Steele’s perspective on DID and parts, why Steele doesn’t recognize parts as individuals, and gown Steele refers to ANP’s as DL’s and EP’s as TF’s and what these terms mean. She explains how Steele describes shame, the connections to DeYoung’s theory, and the variety of ways shame presents. In an example, she discloses an experience with poverty and how that impacted us as a system. She then calls on both the clinical and the DID communities to become more sensitive to shame issues being acted out against and amongst each other, when we should be empowering and supporting each other. Continuing this, she talks about how not addressing shame continues to distress and disrupt a system. She tells how Steele explained shame as part of the dominance/submission dynamic in the animal kingdom, and how this is played out with abusers. She then shares how shame is sometimes more familiar than it even safer than other emotional responses. She connects, then, the Plural Positivity movement to a way of facing shame, and Pride Day as a way of working through it as a community. She discusses the experience of living with chronic shame. She also explains how hyperarousal and hypoarousal impact even just trying to talk in therapy. Dr. E then discussed what she agrees and disagrees with regarding the DL/TF model. Dr. E explains what shame teaches us about why it’s important to find a compassionate and connected therapist. In the end, Dr. E shares how Kathy Steele provides a definition of integration as close to Functional Multiplicty as yet described by the clinical community. No abuse memories or specific disclosures are given in this episode.

Sasha shares how the system is doing with avoiding avoidance. Dr. E explains that the opposite of avoidance (dissociation) is mentalizing - being present and accurately aware of yourself and others. She gives four reflective skills necessary for mentalizing. A big part of this, Sasha learns, is being empathetic with yourself and others inside. Two neutral examples are given in this episode: a dish breaking in the kitchen and missing therapy today, so no abuse details are shared in this episode.

Emma shares about her therapy session, in which she learned about how now time triggers memory time. She shares what she learned about how this happens through sensory input. Trigger warning for trigger talk, acknowledgment of abuse, and examples of triggers from the therapist’s office (door slamming and footsteps in the hall). These are discussed without any abuse details or disclosures.

This podcast was recorded at the park, so you can hear background sounds including traffic and children. We share about the Cycle of Anxiety and what that has to do with avoidance. We talk about how Dissociation is protective in the short term, but long term avoidance makes things more complicated - including causing illness and other problems that add to what we have to deal with in life. We discuss triggers and avoidance, and what it means to “do it afraid” - even in friendship.

We speak with Kelly McDaniel, who coined the term Mother Hunger. She explains what this means, and how it is the earliest trauma and a disenfranchised grief. We discuss not having “permission” to talk about our mothers, much less work out mother trauma, which leaves us isolated from mothering and healing. In this, she is able to explain how and why dissociation starts in infancy - and what it is protecting us from exactly. Trigger warning for mother related content, and reference to the mother-baby dynamic, though no specific abuse stories are discussed.

We share the processing we have done following the Mother Hunger episode and the interview with Dr. Siegel. We share how understanding what Dissociation is actually helps us deal with both false beliefs from shame and the protective denial that comes with it. We explain how Dissociation isn’t just avoidance of what was bad, but avoidance of the realization we couldn’t do anything about it. This tells us, we learned, what the wall of terror is and how to get through it.

Dr. E interviews Dr. Dan Siegel of the Mindsight Institute, who defines dissociation by defining integration by defining differentiation. He explains interpersonal neurobiology, and how that has everything to do with DID but is also bigger than that. He then defines developmental trauma as an assault on integration. He then explains the science of why and how this is, and what hope it gives for healing.

Dr. E comes full circle in chatting with Kathy Steele. Kathy shares how she learned about dissociation and how that led to the Coping Skills workbook. She explains the structural theory of dissociation. Dr. E discussed her experiences of wrestling with some of these ideas, as well as some of the unfolding community and cultural implications for survivors and clinicians alike.

We welcome Dr. Richard Chefetz to the podcast! He shares his perspective of the dissociative processes, and how they relate to associative processes. He explains his terminology of “self states” and normalized them as part of the human experience. He also explains assimilation and accommodation, and what these have to do with trauma. He also talks about how he uses hypnosis in his practice, and explains what that it like for those who want to know.

Dr. E shares her discovery of “Unshame”, a book by Carolyn Spring. She reads quotes from the powerful depiction of the therapeutic journey, including the intensity of emotion while trying to connect with a therapist. She shares the news that we may have to change therapists, and explains why, and references the struggle this could be if that’s what needs to happen. She discusses attunement again, connecting it back to the shame as frameworked in the book.

This episode is the second part of the previous episode, continuing the conversation with the husband during a visit between deployments. In this episode, he shares about his experience with EMDR and how it helped with his clarity of thought and his depression. His framework gives insights into our discussion about co-consciousness and increased awareness.

Dr. E shares an article she found that explains integration and differentiation as a normal part of healthy development. She quotes a few pieces of the article to explain ego states, as well as explore how these concepts are defined. This leads her to an insight about all of us being a part a greater Me, even the parts that are not-me.

Emma shares about her progress in therapy, including improvements in being able to face hard things in therapy with less dissociating but also compassion for herself when she does (and why she does). She references flashbacks, but in a not scary way. She shares about getting stronger as we expose ourselves to the trauma of the past. No specific trauma are disclosed in this episode. Trigger warning for reference to grief and feelings of loss.

We share about a therapy session where we learn about creating safe places inside. We also talk about trying to be more connected to our body. We share about “containment”, which we are learning helps us hold things until our next therapy session. Then we cheer ourselves up with your mail and emails!

We talk with Peter Barach, PhD, about our clinical experiences of the transition to telehealth because of COVID. He shares about the importance of eye contact in stopping flashbacks. We share about trying to cope with quarantine as a new trauma without creating a new alter. We discuss trauma triggers experienced in quarantine, including physiological responses on the PolyVagal ladder. Examples given include reference to war zones, entrapment, and foster care. Dr. Barach reviews several basic coping skills and relaxation techniques. We talk about resources like EMDR apps and interventions that support people while we wait for in person sessions resume.

Dr. E shares about a book she discovered through a class with the ISSTD. She explores what she has learned about Charcot, Janet, and Freud. She gives the historical context of their rivalry, and how that later connected to research with veterans who had endured combat. She tells how the book explains the women’s movement as the catalyst in connecting the two, so that trauma could finally be openly discussed - much less treated. Trigger warning for mention of abuse, incest, and war experiences, but no disclosures or details given.

We share about reading chapters two and three in “Trauma and Recovery”. We give examples of hyperarousal, intrusions, and constriction. We try to apply it to our own healing, including relationships. Trigger warning for flashback reference, but no trauma details disclosed.

We welcome back Christine Forner, to share after the virtual ISSTD conference. She talks about the “Cascade of Defense”. She explains Active and Inactive Defenses. She gives feminist context to survivor experiences and treatment.

We continue our discussion about our experiences at the ISSTD virtual conference. Our medical doctor friend shares what she learned about addiction, emotions, and the drama triangle - and how all of that works to help internal teamwork (even persecutors). We also share the big research we learned about relational trauma being more damaging than even physical or sexual abuse. No details or examples of specific abuses discussed.

We conclude our discussion about relational trauma by exploring what that looks like and how it applies to healing, parenting, relationships, and friendships. We explain how this expands the understanding of memory time, and the process by which it invades now time. This is different than incident specific trauma, and explains why grounding or content work isn’t enough for healing and orienting.

We interview Holly, a survivor with DID, about her journey in treatment, from diagnosis to pandemic. Trigger warning for reference to sexual abuse and also to hospitalization, but neither discussed in depth. No abuse details disclosed in this episode.

We explain the story of one of our only two lifelong friends, who was witness to some of our experiences. We tell the husband about our experience interviewing her for therapy and maybe the podcast. Trigger warning for references to abuse and trauma from parents, teachers, and youth ministers, but no specific disclosures or details are made. Also passing reference to mother’s suicide attempt, but only in a sentence and zero details or discussion.

Our interview with The English Teacher, about our timeline and putting pieces together. Trigger warning for references to abuse, therapist trauma, and church school experiences. No detailed disclosures specifically, but trauma timeline discussed and experiences referenced (including abuse and rape).

The conversation with The English Teacher continues, as she shares what it was like being groomed by a therapist for a relationship outside of therapy. We also discuss our transition away from The Therapist over the last year. We also discuss friendship issues, and what is healthy and what is toxic. Trigger warning for mention of abuse and grooming. There is also a “cult” reference about a church, but in context of stopping the cycle (no details or any SRA or MC references, only the evangelical reference).

We close our conversation with The English Teacher with more timeline and processing. We talk about how parenting can trigger developmental trauma memories, but also how our past can help us be better parents. She also explains about her experience in a Christian “cult” and what that was like realizing she wanted out. We also talk some about switching, and how the last year impacted different parts’ access to safe people. We introduce the concept of Betrayal Trauma. Trigger warning for mention of abuse, trafficking, pornography, adoption, rape, and developmental trauma.

David Archer is our guest, and he shares about prejudices, privilege, racism, racial trauma, white supremacy, and how healing comes when we love ourselves. Trigger warning for references to racial violence, foster care and adoption, and politics.

Our guest, Annie Goldsmith, is a registered dietician who works with trauma, and she explains how dissociation and digestion are connected. She explains why building safety and going very slowly is so important in bringing healing to both. She explains disordered eating and intentional eating. We discuss eating in the context of food scarcity and the pandemic. Trigger warning for discussion of disordered eating, eating disorders, weight stigma, and food-related traumas (with one example given).

We share what we discussed in therapy, about processing election week experiences. We talk about realizing we can’t avoid pain, because someone always has to deal with it or handle it. We talk about learning how there’s a world beyond trauma, like the perspectives of different dimensions. We give the geometry of those, and explain why it matters that we connect with others - even though it is scary. Trigger warnings for mention of guns, reference to a house fire, discussion of flashbacks, and math.

Please note the heavy trigger warning for this episode. We share about a hospitalization, with reference to suicide. We share some (young adult) memories, with reference to domestic violence. We talk about missing the other alters from the other circle, and why we can’t bridge to them right now. We talk about starting over with a new therapist, again.

Courtney shares about getting a new therapist, again, and agrees she may be a match this time. We share about our safety plan, including twice a week sessions and learning to ask for help. With some tapping and EMDR, she is able to consider letting the others back if our safety increases and the system can stabilize... and begins to understand they need to be included for that stabilization to happen.

We share with the husband about the response to the Iris episode, specifically reading a listener email who cautioned against it. We process our response to her response with the husband, and look at what it triggered in us and why. The husband shares about his depression and how he handles those dark thoughts. Trigger warning for reference to suicidal thoughts, but no discussion of detailed plans or safety concerns.

Our guest today is Maureen McEvoy, who volunteered to talk with us about re-enactment. She provides three examples, including one that references sexual consent in marriage. She clarifies that intrusions (like flashbacks) are when memory time invades now time, but re-enactment is when the same dynamic is actually happening again in now time (with different people or circumstances). Trigger warning to passing reference to “home movies” which she uses in references to old messages and memories from the past (not child exploitation materials).

We visit the cemetery where our mother is buried, and reflect on what we have learned about intergenerational trauma. We explore our own trauma response patters. Trigger warning for references to cemetery, death, abuse, trauma, and rape (none of these are discussed in depth or in detail, only mentioned in passing reference).

Emma shares about therapy, and what we are learning about the Inner Critic. She tells how we learned to challenge those thoughts and feelings. She shares painful insights from this experience, and what it means for us moving forward - toward healing.

Dr. Lou Himes, a psychologist in New York, shares with us about their presentation at the recent ISSTD annual conference regarding trauma-informed treatment of transgender clients. They explain the difference between gender and sex. Together we explore gender identity, including discussions regarding expression, roles, and presentation. They also explain the difference between physical attraction and emotional attraction. We discuss why this matters, how misgendering and microaggressions are additional traumas, and how this impacts clients who already struggle with trauma and dissociation. Trigger warning for gender identity issues, reference to religious abuse, reference to oppressive parenting, and reference to therapeutic ruptures.

We share what we read in the book “In Session” by Deborah Lott, as recommended to us by a podcast listener. The author explores the relationship between women and their therapists, so please be aware of that as a general content trigger warning. In this episode, we discuss how she came to know this relationship is called “transference” and what that means and why it’s so powerful - including how and why it hurts so much when something goes wrong.

We share what we read in the book “In Session” by Deborah Lott, as recommended to us by a podcast listener. The author explores the relationship between women and their therapists, so please be aware of that as a general content trigger warning. In this episode, we discuss what she wrote about the history of boundaries and why they really do matter.

We discuss therapy trauma with a friend who is also a clinician with lived experience. We swap stories of our own experiences from family of origin and therapy. We explore the attunement experienced in a group like ourselves, with others who are both present and responsive. We discuss the challenges of friendship, and impact of trauma re-enactment in relationships. Trigger warning for therapy trauma discussion, with passing reference to examples, but no disclosures made in depth or detail.

We discuss therapy trauma with a friend who is also a clinician with lived experience. We explore the impact of previous therapy trauma on new therapeutic relationships, and how therapy trauma makes it so difficult to re-engage with a new therapist. We discuss how relational wounds can still hurt, even when the person wasn’t doing it maliciously like our abusers did. We discuss how the most technically skilled therapists are not always the best therapists. Trigger warning for therapy trauma discussion, with passing reference to examples, but no disclosures made in depth or detail.

We share a therapy update about how we are learning to orient ourselves to time. We explain how and why we added “Kelly Time” and “Pandemic Time” to the list with Memory Time and now time. I talk about why “Now Time” changed to “New Now Time”.

We share what we learned from a workshop by Dolores Mosquera about working with parts. We share what she explained about why trust can be such an issue even when there is a solid therapeutic alliance in therapy. We redefine the “Adult Self” based on her definition of “emerging and not yet defined”. We discuss ideas for increasing awareness and cooperation. Trigger warning for passing reference to parents as abusers, but no details or disclosures.

We share a dream we had, and what we learned from it in therapy. Trigger warning for discussion of Littles and early neglect and developmental trauma, but no details or in-depth disclosures.

Our guest shares their lived experience of integration. They explain how integration and plurality are not exclusive. They share the impact of learning to love themselves. Content note: there is a trigger warning for topic of natural integration (not in context of treatment goals) and a passing reference to suicidality (no details or discussion).

We share a dream we had that got processed in therapy. Content note: trigger warning for passing reference to foster care, big feelings, therapy ruptures, and transference.

This month in our NerdTown Topics Meetup, our colleague, Bill Woodburn, MEd, LPC-S, LMFT-S, shared about using stories in therapy.

We tell the story of a hawk attacking one of our baby chicks, and then we share how our therapist tended that story like she does our dreams.

We talk with the husband about grieving those experiences we just can’t do anything about, how to learn from them, and what it’s like to let go and move on.

While not going into detail, this episode discusses religious trauma explicitly and directly. We share with the husband about receiving a message from a college friend who found the podcast. We use what she shared and what we have done in therapy thus far to piece together part of a timeline… and grieve its implications.

The husband reviews Transactional Analysis with the children, which he has taught them since they came to live with us. The picture he drew on the whiteboard will be posted on the blog.

We lay out, for the first time, the timeline of the last three years, putting together the pieces of what was so hard… so that we can let them go while holding space for all that happened (instead of avoiding or dismissing the impact it had on us), bookending ourselves with going to our new therapist for the first time in person.

We share and explore a dream, then draw it and use the drawing to help us organize difficult content.

We share our experience doing eye movements in therapy.

We share our therapy discussion about how while useful at the beginning of therapy, NTIS or Now Time is NOT Safe is actually too binary for later in therapy. We settle on SET, or “safe enough time”, to give room for the nuances and variety of circumstances and experiences in life.

We explore why the “ship” didn’t sink, and find ourselves in our own timeline.

Thaylis is back! Her protector, Demi, wanted to follow up the Moon Knight discussion about “good” and “bad” parts. They share about their experiences of the transition from persecutor to protector.

Em shares an incident that happened with one of our outside kids, and how we were able to stand up and say no.

We share about revisiting the “in session” episodes. We talk about transference and counter-transference. We explore intentional responses rather than trauma responses.

We share our experiences of "spontaneous blending", and learn more about how to do it intentionally.

We talk with our friend from college, sharing what it was like to hear from her roommate after she came on the podcast last year. We reminisce about how we experienced college and how she experienced our DID. We begin exploring the layers of religious and relational trauma we experienced there. While no details are disclosed, trauma is referenced in the context of religious trauma, relational trauma, and child abuse. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast.

We talk with our friend from college. We reminisce about how we experienced college and how she experienced our DID. We explore the layers of religious and relational trauma we experienced there. While no details are disclosed, trauma is referenced in the context of religious trauma, relational trauma, and child abuse. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast.

We read emails from our friend Elle, who wrote to us after hearing the Hallelujah and Roomies episodes last year, and in preparation to coming on the podcast for her episodes. Content note: due to the nature of discussion, this episode does discuss religious trauma. As part of this, suicidal ideation and self-harm are both mentioned, but only in passing reference and without any detail or discussion. As always, care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.

Groupies meet to watch and discuss Holly’s son’s thesis film portraying DID in a story about a woman preparing for a date on a Valentine’s Day.

This month in our NerdTown Topics Meetup, our colleague, Bill Woodburn, MEd, LPC-S, LMFT-S, shared about using stories in therapy.

This month in our NerdTown Topics Meetup, our colleague, Bill Woodburn, MEd, LPC-S, LMFT-S, shared about using stories in therapy. This episode contains a passing reference to a gun in context of a story that is told, but no violence is described or discussed or detailed. As always, care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast.

We welcome back (new) Julie to recap with us the ISSTD Webinar featuring Janina Fisher. We discuss alienation of self, underlying needs of trauma responses, and healing through compassion.

Our guest this week is Steven Gold, PhD. We talk about trauma, neglect, and dissociation, and he shares about how he broadens understanding of all these terms. We also talk about attachment and the "mirror" of how we see ourselves.... and what happens when there is no mirror, when the mirror is broken, and when there are lots of mirror attempts. We also discuss re-enactments and increasing our capacity for healing.

We talk with Laura Brown about feminist theory, feminist rage, anger, institutionalize, religious trauma, and queerness.

We discuss an “inner child” chapter from the book Leaving the Fold.