LEARNING THE LINGO
Dr. E explains DID in the context of shame theory. The name Dr. E is a reference to what she is called at work because of her PhD; she is not a medical doctor or giving any therapeutic advice. She explains her understanding of dissociation in the context of Patricia DeYoung’s shame theory, and explains why most “acting out” is really misattunement, and how healing comes through connection (attunement) with others. She references the “Still Face Experiment” which can be searched and found on YouTube. Some clarification between abuse and neglect is explained, but no graphic or personal examples are given.
Sasha (with some help from Dr. E and John) talk about what we are learning about alters. They discuss terms like original, host, ANP, fronting, switching, and co-consciousness. They share what they are learning about internal worlds. They also talk about types of alters, like persecutors and protectors, child alters, memory holders, and fictives. A few examples of alter jobs are shared, but no specific abuse memories are shared specifically or in detail.
Sasha shares what she is learning about internal worlds and making them safe places. She also briefly explains the terms ANP and EP. In this episode, Sasha is processing aloud as she goes for a walk, so there is some background and wind noise throughout - the wind noise is worse at the end. However, it was valuable enough to us as a system that it was worth sharing despite sound quality. While some internal landscaping references our background, including allusions and references to past abuse, no memories or examples of abuse are disclosed. Adding Christmas lights to a room and using a farm bell are examples of positive adjustments to our internal world.
Sasha shares a journaling experiment where we all responded to some questions about our communication, preferences, needs, fears, and what makes us feel safe. A huge undertaking for which we prepared for over a year, there are so far 23 responses and Sasha shares some of them. Handwriting samples can be seen on the blog. Due to the context of introductions, some trauma references are mentioned but no abuse details given.
A listener wrote in asking about ages of alters and developmental stages theories. Dr. E responds by explaining a few of the many reasons some alters may remain younger or stop at different ages. She then discusses Erikson’s psychosocial stages of development, and how this is impacted both by trauma and recovery. Functional plurality is also explored. While examples of trauma impact are given, no abuse details are given in this episode.
Sasha shares some of what she learned in four sessions of group with The Crisses System coach. Lessons include landscaping the internal world for safe places and increased communication, understanding ANP’s and EP’s, the importance of communicating with each other respectful, trauma responses in the brain, and triggers from memory time in now time. No abuse memories are shared in this episode.
Sasha accidentally gets triggered out at a conference about DID, and learns quickly it’s something she can almost control - but not quite. She describes it as feeling far away, focusing on the therapy notebook, and “zooming in” until she was out front. The same thing happened with “zooming out”, where she felt further and further away. In the process, she learns a few things about DID while at the conference. She shares about the importance of keeping what good stabilizing experiences you have in therapy, even when it’s a bad therapy experience or a mismatch with someone who didn’t know how to treat DID. She talks about what she learned about betrayal trauma, and how it impacts attachment. She talks about what she learned about eating and sleeping triggers, and why both are important to the body (trigger warning for these issues). She shares what a speaker said about “parts” being part of a whole system, and why this matters. She also shares what she learned about shame: triggers and how to face them. Finally, she shares what she learned about why the abuse isn’t your fault. No specific memories or traumas are shared in this episode.
We speak with Kelly McDaniel, who coined the term Mother Hunger. She explains what this means, and how it is the earliest trauma and a disenfranchised grief. We discuss not having “permission” to talk about our mothers, much less work out mother trauma, which leaves us isolated from mothering and healing. In this, she is able to explain how and why dissociation starts in infancy - and what it is protecting us from exactly. Trigger warning for mother related content, and reference to the mother-baby dynamic, though no specific abuse stories are discussed.
We share the processing we have done following the Mother Hunger episode and the interview with Dr. Siegel. We share how understanding what Dissociation is actually helps us deal with both false beliefs from shame and the protective denial that comes with it. We explain how Dissociation isn’t just avoidance of what was bad, but avoidance of the realization we couldn’t do anything about it. This tells us, we learned, what the wall of terror is and how to get through it.
Dr. E interviews Dr. Dan Siegel of the Mindsight Institute, who defines dissociation by defining integration by defining differentiation. He explains interpersonal neurobiology, and how that has everything to do with DID but is also bigger than that. He then defines developmental trauma as an assault on integration. He then explains the science of why and how this is, and what hope it gives for healing.
This episode is the second part of the previous episode, continuing the conversation with the husband during a visit between deployments. In this episode, he shares about his experience with EMDR and how it helped with his clarity of thought and his depression. His framework gives insights into our discussion about co-consciousness and increased awareness.
We talk about “overt” and “covert” presentation of DID. We explain the differences a bit, and talk about the difference between the internal and external perspectives of this. We take it one step further, noticing the implication of needing to be more overt as part of authenticity but also the tension of covert feeling protective.
We interview Dr. Laura Brown about her journey treating complex trauma. She shares about the history of believing women’s stories when others did not. She also explains why she does not use “disorder” with dissociative identities. She also shares her experience with keeping a therapy dog in her office. Trigger warning for mention of trauma cases and a variety of abuses, but no in depth discussion of specifics and no details disclosed.
We Google search “attach cry”.
We share our experience doing eye movements in therapy.
Thaylis is back! Her protector, Demi, wanted to follow up the Moon Knight discussion about “good” and “bad” parts. They share about their experiences of the transition from persecutor to protector.
We share our experiences of "spontaneous blending", and learn more about how to do it intentionally.
We share what we are noticing and experiencing with blending.
We welcome back (new) Julie to recap with us the ISSTD Webinar featuring Janina Fisher. We discuss alienation of self, underlying needs of trauma responses, and healing through compassion.
Our guest this week is Steven Gold, PhD. We talk about trauma, neglect, and dissociation, and he shares about how he broadens understanding of all these terms. We also talk about attachment and the "mirror" of how we see ourselves.... and what happens when there is no mirror, when the mirror is broken, and when there are lots of mirror attempts. We also discuss re-enactments and increasing our capacity for healing.